I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
