Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
