6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
