Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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