the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
