I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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