youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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