Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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