If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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