youre lurking in front of me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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