Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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