dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He better not be in your backpack
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
