Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
