Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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