did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
