wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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