u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
