Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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