i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
