fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
