If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
