I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
