so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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