i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
