Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
