I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't deserve a penis
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize