I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
