dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
