it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
