before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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