peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize