afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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