Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
