how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
