i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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