So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
