guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
