We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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