Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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