Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize