Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
