considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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