Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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