Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
