dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
