PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
