like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
