o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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