Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
