Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
