you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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