Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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