You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
