At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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