Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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