You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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