bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
operation harelip BJ is a go
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
