I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
