I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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