dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
