Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
