also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
