why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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