The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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