you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is Oprah even human
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
