Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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