I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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