im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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