just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
