who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's like heaven, but drunker
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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