I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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