I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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