Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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