Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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