Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
