he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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