I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
