I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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