Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
