Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
