Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
