The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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