just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
