i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
