I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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