So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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