Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
