i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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