I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
