Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
