He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's blow job season.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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